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Stabilize

by Courtesy Drop

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  • 12" Vinyl LP

1.
strength is what i seek over stability and over peace just the thought of buckling makes me clench and grit my teeth the point isn't to prove myself to the world and you i just don't ever want to drag others down if i fall through is that unreasonable? even so, it's still the path that i have chosen\ is it unrealizable? even so, i will walk till i crawl and crawl til my body and bones are broken when the end finally comes will i accept defeat? or fight the end itself refusing to let it silence me i tend to romanticize the places i'll never know because what's the point in living life if you limit where you can go go onward live forever strength is what i seek is that unreasonable? is it unrealizable?
2.
Orion 04:42
in the back of my mind i entertain, from time to time all the possibilities and outcomes that i've let pass by through the course of this life "i could've done better than this" a thought that frequently makes an appearance but is that the case? is this really that poor of a fate to have to face? if i'd taken chances and went another way would i still be the person i am today? stubborn and steadfast obsessively alone with crutches filling up my home it's far too late to dwell on past mistakes but if i were to make a change would i still reach the same destination as my current path? [time will tell] if decisions made become mistakes [time will tell] if what was lost can be regained [time will tell] if everything remains the same [time will tell] if it all really revolves around [time] i'm more confident now than i've ever been in decisions i've made and courses that i've taken because i've learned to be happy with a bitter end and take everything for what it is and not for what it could have been it's hard to reflect and not point out the flaws to a damaging extent in the end it doesn't really matter how i get there but isn't it all about the journey and not the destination? well if i had to pick i'd rather spend forever content with where i ended up and not stuck in lament wishing for a retry every waking moment of death
3.
i never thought that i'd be here again wounds barely healed and scars still forming it's undeniable that i lost my way when the door cracked open i can't help but see the similarities prompting an ocean of doubt to rise up inside of me and i am petrified, but something is pushing me ahead into the current soothing and fluid enough for me to stay composed the rising levels rhythmic and stable, soft and comforting enough and as i go under i realize that all i want now, is to sink somehow i knew that we'd be, in the end the things that are said when open hearts connect it's indescribable and invaluable to the furthest extent i can't keep this crashing wave from furthering the momentum's too great it's almost overtaking you and me i know it's worrisome, but something worthwhile lies up ahead far in the distance a unique existence, only the lucky get to perceive we're well on our way and safely i'll say that that is exactly where i want to be it'll be fine, if we take our time and slowly drift into the sea the walls that i desperately tried to reinforce are starting to crack and crumble much like they did the time before i'm truly terrified because i've never felt this vulnerable i'm starting to panic but quickly i realize that there is simply no need because it's evident now that it's you all around me it's you that helps me breathe i'm content with this end i'm surrendering i concede i give in white flag waving
4.
oh, how'd i get so obsessed with flaw? idolizing and idealizing it all am i better or worse? it's taken some time to adjust and a great deal of work to combat the mistrust in my eyes on again, off again riddled with the regret from another time climbing out ever so slowly i've become immersed in all the missed brush strokes the cracks and all of the wrinkles the scars from tantrums that we've thrown in time, perhaps we'll realize that it's simple we're better as broken people we'll stop holding onto hope for flawless because in my eyes, in this life the only Hell really worth avoiding is perfection i feel the most alive when it's all falling apart
5.
Pegasus 05:27
i've dreamt too often of traveling through time with knowledge i have now in hopes of living a better life love and success of which i've yet to touch streamlined to the forefront with no miststeps to judge it's hard to accept that even though i can't reverse if i move forward, take the right steps i will be happy eventually when i get over it, get on with it let time run its course properly no wish to edit it, let go of it i can regret but i fail to see the help in that i'm better off forcing myself to let it go

credits

released October 28, 2014

Recorded, mixed, and mastered as well as bass performed by Mikey Allred at Dark Art Audio in Madison, TN (mikey@darkartaudio.com)

Male backing vocals performed by Kyle Merriman of Nest [http://thenest.bandcamp.com]

Female backing vocals, in addition to the female half of the 'Space and Interaction' duet performed by Angela Plake of Bandit [http://www.thebandbandit.com]

Artwork created by Audrey Patterson [http://audreypaterreson.crevado.com]

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